A Night of Despair
by Ace Voxen
Summary: Everyone knows Yuna is one strong young woman. But even the strongest heroine has a bad night, and this story is about one of those nights. It's a Songfic using 'Breaking the Habit' by Linkin Park. Enjoy.


_It is pointless to keep dreaming now..._

_You won't leave will you...?_

_Our dream will end..._

_Yuna, I must go..._

_I love you..._

**Memories consume**

**Like opening the wound**

**I'm picking me apart again**

Yuna opened her eyes, but didn't sit up. It was warm in Besaid-it was always warm. Yuna and the rest of the Gullwings had come to visit Wakka and Lulu as well as check up on their still small child, Vidina. They had enjoyed a few days of rest, with no worries, other than dodging the blitzball that Keepa and Datto kept hurling in front of the house. It had been a nice respite after their last adventure. Yuna still had to suppress a shudder when she remembered the feeling of utter despair that had flown over her, in association with Shuyin. But Shuyin was gone now, left to rest for the all of eternity with his love, Lenne. _If only the same could be said for me, _Yuna thought. Even though Wakka had assured the girls of YRP that they were more than welcome at his house, it no longer felt comfortable for Yuna and she had told him, very graciously, that she, Rikku and Paine would stay at the Travel Agency.

**You all assume**

**I'm safe here in my room...**

In the room next to Yuna's, Paine and Rikku were playing SphereBreak(for the record, Rikku was winning). Yuna hadn't said anything, but somehow Rikku had sensed that her cousin wanted to be alone and so, much to Paine's chagrin, Rikku had made it very plain that the two of them would share a room so Yuna could have one of her own. Yuna was very grateful for that consideration, although she noticed Paine had shot her a look of pure desperation with the thought of bunking with the every perky and bubbly Rikku. Yuna had become more and more enclosed, the knowledge of which that disturbed Rikku, despite the fact she was always supportive, and puzzled Paine. But Paine didn't ask any questions, safe in the knowledge that there were no two people Yuna trusted more in the world than Rikku and she. And it wasn't like Yuna was a very secretive person to begin with. But unbeknownst to them, a kind of pressure had been building and tonight...the dam was going to break.

**Unless I try to start again**

After tossing for a short while, Yuna decided that sleep was a lost cause, and she slipped off the bed. Looking down, Yuna's face displayed her shock as she realized she was still fully dressed in her Gunner outfit. That wasn't a totally uncommon occurrence but she specifically remembered wearing a night-shift on loan to her from Lulu. As she puzzled this strange occurrence, Yuna walked over to the bureau that, along with the bed, made up the only furniture in the elegant, but sparse room. Her guns, the Tiny Bees, their handles shining in the moonlight filtering through the window, rested, waiting, on the drawer. A constant reminder of battles fought.

**I don't want to be the one The battles always choose**

_Fighting, that's all I ever do_, Yuna lamented silently. And for what?

**Because inside I realize...**

**That I'm the one confused**

And Yuna came to a conclusion. There was really only one thing to do.

**So I'm breaking the habit tonight.**

Yuna didn't want Paine and Rikku following her. She would trust them with her life, but this was something she had to do alone. Somehow though, Yuna could sense they would find her eventually anyway.

**Clutching my cure**

**I tightly lock the door**

**I try to catch my breath again**

In the next room, Paine was sensing something too. Tired of being beat by a certain blonde Al Bhed, she had lay on her back on the bed assigned to her (she noticed it was farthest from the window but closest to the door) and tried to sleep. But there was a feeling of anticipation she just couldn't shake. Finally, Paine decided she had had enough. Trying not to wake a sleeping Rikku, Paine crossed over to the door that connected their room with Yuna's. Paine knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Without even considering something as trivial as privacy, she tried to open the door. But it was locked. That did it. With no thought to Rikku-Paine kicked the door in, which of course immediately awakened her 'roomie' (who had been dreaming of another certain blonde Al Bhed, but that's another story). The room was empty, the window opened, and the last clue Paine needed was the sight of Yuna's guns on the bureau. Without looking in her direction Paine ordered, "Let's go, Rikku."

Time was not on their side.

**I hurt much more**

**Than anytime before**

The figure that had been Yuna left her guns on the drawer, left the room that housed them by way of the window and disappeared into the Besaid night. Her only thought was escape. The room had been closing in on her and she had to get away. As she wandered the trails she had explored as a child, she heard a Voice. A voice calling to her, goading her on, to where she knew not. She crossed over the bridge in front of a flowing waterfall, it's crashing waves blocking out the Voice for a moment. She shook her head in a vain effort to clear it, but then the voice started calling her, louder, more desperate this time. It sounded like a cry for help, and the voice sounded so familiar...Yuna felt a wash of despair...and weariness. She'd been fighting so hard and for so long, only to lose that which was most important. She had set the needs of others before herself, over and over again until it threatened to overwhelm her.

Finally, exhaustion took our tormented heroine, and she dropped to her knees. Too tired to get back up, Yuna tilted her face up to the sky and let out a cry; part resignation, part rebellion.

**I don't know what's worth fighting for**

**Or why I have to scream**

Paine and Rikku, meanwhile, had heard Yuna's cry as they searched Besaid Village. Despite Rikku's protestations, Paine had awakened Wakka and Lulu, to inform them of Yuna's flight. Lulu had urged Wakka to go look with them but Paine had ended what had promised to be a heated debate with:

"Don't worry, we've got this."

When they were out of earshot, Rikku, in a high-pitched voice she always got when she was nervous asked, "Do we really have this? We don't even know where she is?" But Paine didn't answer. She just kept moving, this time towards the forest.

**I don't know why I instigate **

**And say what I don't mean**

Yuna stood up, a new energy flowing though her like pyreflies. She wanted to fly, far far away...and she knew exactly where to spread her wings.

**I don't know how I got this way **

**It'll never be all right**

Paine and Rikku ripped through the forest at breakneck speed, with Rikku tripping on a fallen log, not even slowing them down. Sometimes they would think they could catch a glimpse of blue skirt or brown hair but they never seemed close enough to capture the elusive figure. No one could say why they felt they had to catch up with Yuna, only that they did.

**So I'm breaking the habit tonight**

Yuna had reached her destination. It was the overlook, a jutting cliff held over a bay in the sea. She raced to it, stopping only to catch herself before she plunged over the edge. There she stood-on the brink. Ready to fly. A figure appeared before her, a figure she knew well. She reached out her arms...

**I'll paint it on the wall...**

**Cause I'm the one at fault...**

Rikku and Paine had finally reached the hill that Yuna stood at the top of-and they stopped. Yuna stood, transfixed, staring at something the other two couldn't see, something visible only to her. Paine called Yuna's name, but she received no answer. Rikku did her little nervous dance, batting her hands in the air.

**I'll never fight again**

**And this is how it ends...**

_Let go, _the voice said, _just let go..._

Yuna bit back a cry as she felt angel wings burst from her back and then...peace. She could fly! But first...she had to fall...

"NO!" Paine called, racing with all her might up the hill, hoping against hope she would reach the crest in time. She saw no feather wings, no image in the sky, all she saw was Yuna falling. Paine could feel Rikku right beside her, keeping speed, the same urgency guiding her steps.

**I don't know what's worth fighting for**

**Or why I have to scream...**

_She was so close...there_, she was flying! She was free! The world of Spira became smaller and smaller as Yuna left her fears and her despair behind. She didn't see Paine and Rikku dive over the edge after her-all she could feel was the wind underneath her wings.

**But now I have some clarity**

** To show you what I mean**

"Do you have her?" Rikku asked anxiously, her hold on the cliff slipping imperceptibly.

"Yeah, I got her," Paine answered. Yuna looked to be unconscious, and her body felt like a deadweight as Rikku and Paine worked together to haul her back onto the safety of the cliff. As the three of them lay there, panting, staring up at the stars, Yuna came to her senses. She didn't know what had possessed her to act so irrationally, but the feeling was gone now. The next thing she knew, Yuna was being bodily dragged up to her feet, where she found herself nose to nose with Paine.

"Don't you ever-_ever_ scare me like that again, do you understand?!"

Yuna stared at Paine, wide-eyed. The vehemence in her voice would have thrown anyone off guard. Dumbly, Yuna nodded. Paine set her down, more gently than she had picked her up. Rikku, ever the optimist said, "So...now that that's over, we can all go home now right?"

Yuna, back to being her old self gave a little bounce and said, "Right!" Arm in arm, the three of them walked back, pausing only for Yuna to look back over her shoulder, to remind herself what she had nearly done. And she still didn't know why. The feeling was completely gone, and the more she thought about it, the less she could remember of her trip...except for flight. The feeling of flying was still fresh in Yuna's mind, but now she would be content with the kind given by the Celsius.

Her night of despair was over.

**I don't know how I got this way**

**I know it's not alright**

**So I'm breaking the habit...I'm breaking the habit...I'm breaking the habit tonight**


End file.
